Author Topic: I miss her  (Read 6976 times)

Offline Pookie

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I miss her
« on: April 19, 2012, 03:49:05 PM »
2 years ago today, I surrendered Pookie's sister, Bonnie, to a holistic vet.  I tried for years to help her, and to find someone who could help me to help her, but nothing seemed to help and it just got to be so overwhelming.  Looking back, it seems it just wasn't meant to be.  She is the real reason why I've learned so much, esp. about holistic medicine and things like B12.

It broke my heart to give her up, and it still hurts.  There are so many unanswered questions . . . and the woman who has her now doesn't keep in contact, and is very brief when she responds at all.  I'm not going into detail here, but today is just one of those days when I could use a hug.  (I know, shameless, isn't it?)

I miss you, Sweetie Girl.  Always.
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Offline CarnivorousCritter

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2012, 06:35:20 PM »
  grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug   Oh Pookie   grouphug grouphug

You did the right thing, soooo unselfish  -- and a Holistic vet!    
We would have probably done the same thing, 2 dogs went throughsooooo much, and all we could do was keep drugging them more, and then PTS when it all took its toll.  I had never even heard of "Holistic" when our dogs were doing all the suffering!  Doh1 Doh1  

Quote
Looking back, it seems it just wasn't meant to be.  She is the real reason why I've learned so much, esp. about holistic medicine and things like B12.

It seems what was meant to be, did happen.  Do you still see the Vet?  


You're certainly not shameless, but here's a song anyway    :)  (by the guy who wrote it.)  


Offline Middle Child

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2012, 09:39:13 PM »
How sad that her family is not more willing to let you know how she is doing.  I'm sure your vet saw that she was placed in a loving home and she is very happy.  How totally unselfish of you to let her go, knowing she would get the care she needed, when you couldn't provide it.  {{{{Hugs}}}} and understanding from me.

Offline Pookie

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2012, 09:02:42 AM »
Thank you both so much.  To answer your question, CC, no, I don't see that vet anymore.  She wasn't finding Bonnie a home, she brought Bonnie to her own home.  About a month after I gave her up, the vet notified me that she'd had a seizure (that never happened with me, that I saw).  She couldn't walk or see, and could barely lift her head.  Long story short, she was an hour away from being sent to the Bridge when her eyes began responding to light, so they postponed the euthanasia.  The vet thought she might have a form of encephalitis.  What upset me, and this is where I'm being totally selfish, is that I really thought it would be better if Bonnie went to the Bridge.  Why give her a life where she could possibly go through that again, along with all the other issues she'd had while with me?  And I couldn't help but wonder if there was something in her new home that triggered it, because I look back and I don't think the vet took me seriously when I said there was something wrong with her.  I think, looking back, she thought I was over-reacting to the issues Bonnie had.  (I'm leaving a lot out here, or this would be a lot longer).

Anyway, after the seizure she only gave me a little more information, and now when I ask how Bonnie is, I get a very brief answer.  I just would like some answers, but I don't think she'll provide them, so I don't go there anymore.  It's just too painful.  I do plan to send an email on Bonnie's birthday asking how she is.  I just wish I could feel more confident in this woman.   :(
2-4-6-8  Please don't over-vaccinate!
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Offline Middle Child

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2012, 01:57:58 PM »
OHHHHH, now I understand better.  I don't think you are being selfish, to think she would have been better off being set free to go to the Bridge. There are many things that are worse than a peaceful passing in your beloved human's arms.  I'm so sorry you don't have a sense of closure on this. It would worry at me too.   HeadButt HeadButt grouphug kissyou

Offline Lola

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2012, 06:00:38 PM »
Pookie,
First.... grouphug kisses3

Second...The person that now has Bonnie may be afraid you will ask for her back or something.  Maybe she just isn't the social type.  ??  There could be alllll kinds of sorta normal reasons. 

Hang in there!!
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Offline CarnivorousCritter

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2012, 09:18:48 PM »
IMO, this is pretty telling, Pookie -- Vet sounds insecure. 

  About a month after I gave her up, the vet notified me that she'd had a seizure (that never happened with me, that I saw).  ... And I couldn't help but wonder if there was something in her new home that triggered it, because I look back and I don't think the vet took me seriously when I said there was something wrong with her.  I think, looking back, she thought I was over-reacting to the issues Bonnie had.  (I'm leaving a lot out here, or this would be a lot longer).

...I just wish I could feel more confident in this woman.   :(

Just a guess, but I'd bet that you saw things the vet didn't see initially and she knows that.  Vets have egos, too -- some far bigger than others and they handle it differently.   :(   
 grouphug grouphug grouphug

Offline Pookie

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2012, 12:32:21 PM »
Thank you all.   heartbeatgif  thankyou1

Soooo . . . any suggestions as to how I come to terms with the fact that I apparently gave my little girl to someone who is either a jerk or has a large ego?     dramaqueen

I accept that I couldn't help my girl, and I honestly still don't know what I would have done if this vet hadn't offered to take her.  I'm having a hard time accepting that she may not have been/be getting the care I had hoped she would get when I gave her up.  It just seems like everything I did for her was a mistake, and turning her over to someone who apparently thought the problem was me just puts a big, fat bow on the mistakes I made where she was concerned.

P.S.  I couldn't get her back if I wanted to.  I signed something stating I no longer had any rights to her.   :(  They say time heals all wounds . . . I wonder . . .

Again, thanks.  You all are wonderful.  heartbeatgif  thankyou1
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Offline CarnivorousCritter

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2012, 04:13:04 PM »
Pookie  grouphug ,

Probably both, jerk and large ego, but at least she's Holistic therefore more advanced.  

Quote
I'm having a hard time accepting that she may not have been/be getting the care I had hoped she would get when I gave her up.

What I've noticed with people in general anymore -- don't matter who it is -- if you ask if water is wet, not gonna get a mere "yes" or "no" in response.  Believe this is a case of her being evasive, to avoid being second-guessed.  Not that you would have given reason for that -- just human nature as her ego is probably trumping all.   Especially if she is aware that you are a client who "has a clue" about things in general.  Most vets are used to dealing with pet owners who are totally in the dark regarding everything. I smell "intimidated" (for lack of a better word right now). JMHO.  

You left her in the care of a Holisitc Veterinarian, ego or no ego.  You really cannot should not fault yourself in any way, shape or form for that.   kissyou    

Offline Lola

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2012, 10:42:32 PM »
You don't know FOR SURE that Bonnie isn't getting awesome care.  Imagine her being spoiled rotten by a somewhat aloof owner.  ;) 
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Offline Pookie

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2012, 02:54:27 PM »
 grouphug  Thank you all.  I'm so glad you're here.   :-* CatPurr HeadButt

You don't know FOR SURE that Bonnie isn't getting awesome care.  Imagine her being spoiled rotten by a somewhat aloof owner.  ;) 

fingerscrossed

I do know that at the time, the vet had 7 cats and 2 dogs, and I think her mother lived with her and her sons.  ASSuming the mother is still living (there), maybe she can spoil Bonnie while the vet's at work.  I can only hope the vet learned her lesson after Bonnie's seizure and finally started giving her the medical care she needed.  I do take comfort in this:  because of that seizure, I'm pretty sure she'll never get vaccinated again.  I'm convinced over-vaccination played a large role in her problems.  When I gave her up, I specifically asked the vet to not vaccinate her and her reply was "I'm a HOLISTIC vet."  Yes, I know, but I'm just sayin' . . .

This may sound really weird, but after reading Mo's posts about the things being taught in her vet tech classes, I'm actually starting to feel like maybe Bonnie's issues weren't entirely my fault.  If all the vets and techs are taught even half of the crap that Mo's hearing in class, then the odds were against me giving her the care she needed from the beginning.  I went to multiple vets with little help, and it sounds like the vast majority of them are being taught the same lousy information.  For 6 years I googled and researched and tried to find answers and didn't have much luck until I found catinfo.org, which led me to other/better resources.  By then, I was worn out, and by the time I gave her up, I was so mentally/emotionally stressed and exhausted, my decision-making skills were probably not where they should have been.  Though honestly, looking back, I still don't know what else I could have done.

In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.
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Offline Lola

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2012, 07:54:34 PM »


In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.

And there you have it...
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Offline Middle Child

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2012, 07:56:11 PM »
grouphug  Thank you all.  I'm so glad you're here.   :-* CatPurr HeadButt

fingerscrossed

I do know that at the time, the vet had 7 cats and 2 dogs, and I think her mother lived with her and her sons.  ASSuming the mother is still living (there), maybe she can spoil Bonnie while the vet's at work.  I can only hope the vet learned her lesson after Bonnie's seizure and finally started giving her the medical care she needed.  I do take comfort in this:  because of that seizure, I'm pretty sure she'll never get vaccinated again.  I'm convinced over-vaccination played a large role in her problems.  When I gave her up, I specifically asked the vet to not vaccinate her and her reply was "I'm a HOLISTIC vet."  Yes, I know, but I'm just sayin' . . .

This may sound really weird, but after reading Mo's posts about the things being taught in her vet tech classes, I'm actually starting to feel like maybe Bonnie's issues weren't entirely my fault.  If all the vets and techs are taught even half of the crap that Mo's hearing in class, then the odds were against me giving her the care she needed from the beginning.  I went to multiple vets with little help, and it sounds like the vast majority of them are being taught the same lousy information.  For 6 years I googled and researched and tried to find answers and didn't have much luck until I found catinfo.org, which led me to other/better resources.  By then, I was worn out, and by the time I gave her up, I was so mentally/emotionally stressed and exhausted, my decision-making skills were probably not where they should have been.  Though honestly, looking back, I still don't know what else I could have done.

In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.

 grouphug grouphug grouphug

Offline Pookie

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2012, 09:01:01 AM »
I have a bit of an update.  Her birthday was also the 20th, so I emailed the vet.  I took a different approach this time:  Instead of asking how she was and pleading for health info, I basically asked how she was doing and if she was ruling the house and intimidating the other furkids.  She responded within 24 hours that Bonnie was "still going strong" and is the only cat in the house that the dogs don't chase.  So while it's not as much information as I would like, at least 1.  I got an answer and 2. she seems to be doing ok.  I would LOVE to know how that's possible, since she'd been 1 hour away from the Bridge at one point, but clearly I'm not going to get that info so I'll have to be satisfied with the info I DO get.
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Offline Lola

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Re: I miss her
« Reply #14 on: May 28, 2012, 11:52:39 PM »
Happy to hear that Bonnie is still going strong.  Sorry that you only got a tidbit of info though.  I can definitely understand your curiosity as to how life seemed to turn around for Bonnie. 
The vet being so tight lipped seems a tad odd.  A little more info could easily put your mind at ease.  No info just keeps you guessing.  That doesn't seem very nice.  :( 
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