Parenting-Furkids

Non Species Specific Furkid Topics => Memorial & Support => Topic started by: Pookie on April 19, 2012, 03:49:05 PM

Title: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 19, 2012, 03:49:05 PM
2 years ago today, I surrendered Pookie's sister, Bonnie, to a holistic vet.  I tried for years to help her, and to find someone who could help me to help her, but nothing seemed to help and it just got to be so overwhelming.  Looking back, it seems it just wasn't meant to be.  She is the real reason why I've learned so much, esp. about holistic medicine and things like B12.

It broke my heart to give her up, and it still hurts.  There are so many unanswered questions . . . and the woman who has her now doesn't keep in contact, and is very brief when she responds at all.  I'm not going into detail here, but today is just one of those days when I could use a hug.  (I know, shameless, isn't it?)

I miss you, Sweetie Girl.  Always.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: CarnivorousCritter on April 19, 2012, 06:35:20 PM
  grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug   Oh Pookie   grouphug grouphug

You did the right thing, soooo unselfish  -- and a Holistic vet!    
We would have probably done the same thing, 2 dogs went throughsooooo much, and all we could do was keep drugging them more, and then PTS when it all took its toll.  I had never even heard of "Holistic" when our dogs were doing all the suffering!  Doh1 Doh1  

Quote
Looking back, it seems it just wasn't meant to be.  She is the real reason why I've learned so much, esp. about holistic medicine and things like B12.

It seems what was meant to be, did happen.  Do you still see the Vet?  


You're certainly not shameless, but here's a song anyway    :)  (by the guy who wrote it.)  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXaprsI_Q8I
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 19, 2012, 09:39:13 PM
How sad that her family is not more willing to let you know how she is doing.  I'm sure your vet saw that she was placed in a loving home and she is very happy.  How totally unselfish of you to let her go, knowing she would get the care she needed, when you couldn't provide it.  {{{{Hugs}}}} and understanding from me.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 20, 2012, 09:02:42 AM
Thank you both so much.  To answer your question, CC, no, I don't see that vet anymore.  She wasn't finding Bonnie a home, she brought Bonnie to her own home.  About a month after I gave her up, the vet notified me that she'd had a seizure (that never happened with me, that I saw).  She couldn't walk or see, and could barely lift her head.  Long story short, she was an hour away from being sent to the Bridge when her eyes began responding to light, so they postponed the euthanasia.  The vet thought she might have a form of encephalitis.  What upset me, and this is where I'm being totally selfish, is that I really thought it would be better if Bonnie went to the Bridge.  Why give her a life where she could possibly go through that again, along with all the other issues she'd had while with me?  And I couldn't help but wonder if there was something in her new home that triggered it, because I look back and I don't think the vet took me seriously when I said there was something wrong with her.  I think, looking back, she thought I was over-reacting to the issues Bonnie had.  (I'm leaving a lot out here, or this would be a lot longer).

Anyway, after the seizure she only gave me a little more information, and now when I ask how Bonnie is, I get a very brief answer.  I just would like some answers, but I don't think she'll provide them, so I don't go there anymore.  It's just too painful.  I do plan to send an email on Bonnie's birthday asking how she is.  I just wish I could feel more confident in this woman.   :(
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 20, 2012, 01:57:58 PM
OHHHHH, now I understand better.  I don't think you are being selfish, to think she would have been better off being set free to go to the Bridge. There are many things that are worse than a peaceful passing in your beloved human's arms.  I'm so sorry you don't have a sense of closure on this. It would worry at me too.   HeadButt HeadButt grouphug kissyou
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 20, 2012, 06:00:38 PM
Pookie,
First.... grouphug kisses3

Second...The person that now has Bonnie may be afraid you will ask for her back or something.  Maybe she just isn't the social type.  ??  There could be alllll kinds of sorta normal reasons. 

Hang in there!!
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: CarnivorousCritter on April 20, 2012, 09:18:48 PM
IMO, this is pretty telling, Pookie -- Vet sounds insecure. 

  About a month after I gave her up, the vet notified me that she'd had a seizure (that never happened with me, that I saw).  ... And I couldn't help but wonder if there was something in her new home that triggered it, because I look back and I don't think the vet took me seriously when I said there was something wrong with her.  I think, looking back, she thought I was over-reacting to the issues Bonnie had.  (I'm leaving a lot out here, or this would be a lot longer).

...I just wish I could feel more confident in this woman.   :(

Just a guess, but I'd bet that you saw things the vet didn't see initially and she knows that.  Vets have egos, too -- some far bigger than others and they handle it differently.   :(   
 grouphug grouphug grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 23, 2012, 12:32:21 PM
Thank you all.   heartbeatgif  thankyou1

Soooo . . . any suggestions as to how I come to terms with the fact that I apparently gave my little girl to someone who is either a jerk or has a large ego?     dramaqueen

I accept that I couldn't help my girl, and I honestly still don't know what I would have done if this vet hadn't offered to take her.  I'm having a hard time accepting that she may not have been/be getting the care I had hoped she would get when I gave her up.  It just seems like everything I did for her was a mistake, and turning her over to someone who apparently thought the problem was me just puts a big, fat bow on the mistakes I made where she was concerned.

P.S.  I couldn't get her back if I wanted to.  I signed something stating I no longer had any rights to her.   :(  They say time heals all wounds . . . I wonder . . .

Again, thanks.  You all are wonderful.  heartbeatgif  thankyou1
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: CarnivorousCritter on April 23, 2012, 04:13:04 PM
Pookie  grouphug ,

Probably both, jerk and large ego, but at least she's Holistic therefore more advanced.  

Quote
I'm having a hard time accepting that she may not have been/be getting the care I had hoped she would get when I gave her up.

What I've noticed with people in general anymore -- don't matter who it is -- if you ask if water is wet, not gonna get a mere "yes" or "no" in response.  Believe this is a case of her being evasive, to avoid being second-guessed.  Not that you would have given reason for that -- just human nature as her ego is probably trumping all.   Especially if she is aware that you are a client who "has a clue" about things in general.  Most vets are used to dealing with pet owners who are totally in the dark regarding everything. I smell "intimidated" (for lack of a better word right now). JMHO.  

You left her in the care of a Holisitc Veterinarian, ego or no ego.  You really cannot should not fault yourself in any way, shape or form for that.   kissyou    
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 25, 2012, 10:42:32 PM
You don't know FOR SURE that Bonnie isn't getting awesome care.  Imagine her being spoiled rotten by a somewhat aloof owner.  ;) 
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 26, 2012, 02:54:27 PM
 grouphug  Thank you all.  I'm so glad you're here.   :-* CatPurr HeadButt

You don't know FOR SURE that Bonnie isn't getting awesome care.  Imagine her being spoiled rotten by a somewhat aloof owner.  ;) 

fingerscrossed

I do know that at the time, the vet had 7 cats and 2 dogs, and I think her mother lived with her and her sons.  ASSuming the mother is still living (there), maybe she can spoil Bonnie while the vet's at work.  I can only hope the vet learned her lesson after Bonnie's seizure and finally started giving her the medical care she needed.  I do take comfort in this:  because of that seizure, I'm pretty sure she'll never get vaccinated again.  I'm convinced over-vaccination played a large role in her problems.  When I gave her up, I specifically asked the vet to not vaccinate her and her reply was "I'm a HOLISTIC vet."  Yes, I know, but I'm just sayin' . . .

This may sound really weird, but after reading Mo's posts about the things being taught in her vet tech classes, I'm actually starting to feel like maybe Bonnie's issues weren't entirely my fault.  If all the vets and techs are taught even half of the crap that Mo's hearing in class, then the odds were against me giving her the care she needed from the beginning.  I went to multiple vets with little help, and it sounds like the vast majority of them are being taught the same lousy information.  For 6 years I googled and researched and tried to find answers and didn't have much luck until I found catinfo.org, which led me to other/better resources.  By then, I was worn out, and by the time I gave her up, I was so mentally/emotionally stressed and exhausted, my decision-making skills were probably not where they should have been.  Though honestly, looking back, I still don't know what else I could have done.

In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 27, 2012, 07:54:34 PM


In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.

And there you have it...
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 29, 2012, 07:56:11 PM
grouphug  Thank you all.  I'm so glad you're here.   :-* CatPurr HeadButt

fingerscrossed

I do know that at the time, the vet had 7 cats and 2 dogs, and I think her mother lived with her and her sons.  ASSuming the mother is still living (there), maybe she can spoil Bonnie while the vet's at work.  I can only hope the vet learned her lesson after Bonnie's seizure and finally started giving her the medical care she needed.  I do take comfort in this:  because of that seizure, I'm pretty sure she'll never get vaccinated again.  I'm convinced over-vaccination played a large role in her problems.  When I gave her up, I specifically asked the vet to not vaccinate her and her reply was "I'm a HOLISTIC vet."  Yes, I know, but I'm just sayin' . . .

This may sound really weird, but after reading Mo's posts about the things being taught in her vet tech classes, I'm actually starting to feel like maybe Bonnie's issues weren't entirely my fault.  If all the vets and techs are taught even half of the crap that Mo's hearing in class, then the odds were against me giving her the care she needed from the beginning.  I went to multiple vets with little help, and it sounds like the vast majority of them are being taught the same lousy information.  For 6 years I googled and researched and tried to find answers and didn't have much luck until I found catinfo.org, which led me to other/better resources.  By then, I was worn out, and by the time I gave her up, I was so mentally/emotionally stressed and exhausted, my decision-making skills were probably not where they should have been.  Though honestly, looking back, I still don't know what else I could have done.

In the end, she was my responsibility, but having better educated vets in my corner might have helped.

 grouphug grouphug grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on May 26, 2012, 09:01:01 AM
I have a bit of an update.  Her birthday was also the 20th, so I emailed the vet.  I took a different approach this time:  Instead of asking how she was and pleading for health info, I basically asked how she was doing and if she was ruling the house and intimidating the other furkids.  She responded within 24 hours that Bonnie was "still going strong" and is the only cat in the house that the dogs don't chase.  So while it's not as much information as I would like, at least 1.  I got an answer and 2. she seems to be doing ok.  I would LOVE to know how that's possible, since she'd been 1 hour away from the Bridge at one point, but clearly I'm not going to get that info so I'll have to be satisfied with the info I DO get.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on May 28, 2012, 11:52:39 PM
Happy to hear that Bonnie is still going strong.  Sorry that you only got a tidbit of info though.  I can definitely understand your curiosity as to how life seemed to turn around for Bonnie. 
The vet being so tight lipped seems a tad odd.  A little more info could easily put your mind at ease.  No info just keeps you guessing.  That doesn't seem very nice.  :( 
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on May 29, 2012, 07:10:39 AM
Happy to hear that Bonnie is still going strong.  Sorry that you only got a tidbit of info though.  I can definitely understand your curiosity as to how life seemed to turn around for Bonnie. 
The vet being so tight lipped seems a tad odd.  A little more info could easily put your mind at ease.  No info just keeps you guessing.  That doesn't seem very nice.  :( 

^^ that. I just don't understand it. It seems....a common attitude though.  I have a friend with two cats. They are litter mates but one of them was always half wild. They are not young anymore, 14 years old I think now. She hated to let him outside to roam but he went berserk and self mutilated when she kept him in.  Sometimes he would be gone for days.  When they moved, she kept him in for a long time, worried he would get lost or try to go back to his old home, but eventually she had to start letting him out again.

One time he was gone for several days and she went looking for him and saw him on the porch of a house in the next block  She took him home but the pattern started again.  As soon as she let him out he was gone for days again.  Again she found him at the house down the street. This time she talked to the lady, wanting to let them know that it was her cat not a stray.  They loved him and thought, for at least the past six months, he was living with them! She said he seemed so happy there that she let him stay.  She misses him every single day.  A couple of times she has asked them for updates on her kitty, but they are very stingy with information.  They say he's "fine" but won't talk about him at all. She and the other cat miss him terribly, but she feels that he made his choice to live with them.  Even though she knows they let him out, he never comes to visit.

I don't know how she can bear it.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 16, 2013, 11:01:29 AM
The vet I surrendered my Sweetie Girl to sent me an email recently that she wanted to add me to her LinkedIn professional network.  I'm not on LinkedIn, and replied stating that, but perhaps in the future I would.  I also asked her opinion on a feline nutrition home-study class I'd like to take.  So far, no reply, but it's only been 1 day.

It will be 3 years on Friday (4/19) that I gave her up.   :'(
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: DeeDee on April 16, 2013, 11:37:06 AM
I'm so sorry!  grouphug Pookie grouphug I don't know what to say. Our vet always answers every question I have, though I've never been in the position to ask about something I had to give away other than some baby squirrels my dad brought to me b/c the coaches were getting ready for football season & found in press-box. I wasn't equipped to take care of those at all, so our vet took them and had his 5 children take care of them until big enough to release.

I didn't like doing it at all (I can get attached to something in 5 seconds) but I knew it was for the best, and our vet's office always had updates for me. I just don't understand someone not keeping you updated better than what's been done. Maybe she's just an animal person that has problems with people relationships?

If she has a LinkedIn connection, have you checked for her website? Maybe she or the office has a FB or even Twitter? You might could establish a more personal relationship like that? As much as I hate those sites (other than Twitter), in this case I just might do it.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 16, 2013, 01:28:54 PM
The vet I surrendered my Sweetie Girl to sent me an email recently that she wanted to add me to her LinkedIn professional network.  I'm not on LinkedIn, and replied stating that, but perhaps in the future I would.  I also asked her opinion on a feline nutrition home-study class I'd like to take.  So far, no reply, but it's only been 1 day.

It will be 3 years on Friday (4/19) that I gave her up.   :'(


I never (can't say that anymore) fall for email scams, but I fell for a fake LinkedIn one.  It was goooood.  It "sounded" soooo like the person that "asked" me to join.  End result...I got a NASTY virus. 

As far as the 3 year "anniversary"   kissyou  The only thing time does (at least for me) is that I don't cry EVERY day now. 
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Shadow on April 16, 2013, 01:44:59 PM
Awww.. Pookie..im sorry I am short on words, but have big hugs for you  grouphug  FlowersGif
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 16, 2013, 01:51:49 PM
Thanks everyone.  grouphug  :-* HeadButt

I don't think the LinkedIn invite was a virus, but if it was I sent it right back to her.   Bumpurr1  I don't usually cry anymore, it's more like I'm detached when I talk about her to people, but every now and then, usually when I'm upset about something else, I'll think about her, too, and that just puts me right over.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, she'll dream-visit me again soon.  CatPurr
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: FurMonster Mom on April 16, 2013, 02:25:05 PM
Oh Pookie.  These kinds of reminders seem so unfair.  grouphug grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 17, 2013, 09:37:33 AM
Thanks, FMM.  grouphug

I did get a reply.  She asked me to send her the link to the class so she can evaluate it (at my request), and told me Bonnie (Pookie's sister) is still doing fine.

I know I should be content with that, but . . . .
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 17, 2013, 11:57:11 AM
Wow, she actually mentioned Bonnie?  That's something anyway, though I know, not enough.  HeadButt HeadButt
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 17, 2013, 12:18:05 PM
Glad the email was legit.
Glad Bonnie is doing fine.  Maybe she thinks it is better for YOU... less said about Bonnie.   :-\  It makes me sad, and I don't even know Bonnie...
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 17, 2013, 01:42:17 PM
I don't want to depress anyone, so please don't feel obliged to read this.

If you would like to "meet" her, the link to her Catster profile is below.  I never took it down . . . didn't have the heart.  http://www.catster.com/cats/1004705

Of the 2 of them, I didn't think I'd bond with her.  I had wanted a male and Pookie was the only male of the litter, and I wanted 2 cats so they had company and she was the last female available.  Her markings weren't your typical tuxedo, and took getting used to.  But she had such a sweet personality, and was such a Momma's girl, and so funny.  I couldn't think of a name for her, and decided on Ebony, or "Bonnie" for short, but I usually called her "Sweetie Girl."

Of the two, her health problems (from the carpy food and I suspect over-vaccination) were worse than his.  3 months after I removed the kibble, I messed up and left a toy out that had a lot of string.  Pookie ate it, and ended up at the vet's for several days.  After he came back, she wanted nothing to do with him, and not long after I had to separate them.  She started developing lots of food allergies, and after a year of tons of research and a homeopathic vet (who I didn't find very helpful), I gave her to the vet she's with now.  It was a 6 year battle overall, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  :'(  She was almost 7 years old at the time.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: DeeDee on April 17, 2013, 02:04:53 PM
She's beautiful. I'm sorry she's had such a hard life. But you know better now, and you won't make the same mistakes ever again! Plus you're helping a LOT of other furkids by spreading the word and telling your story.

Call it fate, kismet, God--what you will--I believe there's always a reason for things happening. Good, bad, glad, sad--there's always a reason by design. You've done the best you could by her, and that's all that can ever be asked of anyone.  :-* Love ya! HeadButt
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 18, 2013, 04:11:17 AM
She is a beauty... a shiny beauty!  I "borrowed" her picture.  I really don't steal pictures usually (not always), unless a person has already posted and/or linked to one publicly.   Bumpurr1
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 19, 2013, 09:11:06 AM
She's beautiful. I'm sorry she's had such a hard life. But you know better now, and you won't make the same mistakes ever again! Plus you're helping a LOT of other furkids by spreading the word and telling your story.

Call it fate, kismet, God--what you will--I believe there's always a reason for things happening. Good, bad, glad, sad--there's always a reason by design. You've done the best you could by her, and that's all that can ever be asked of anyone.  :-* Love ya! HeadButt

 iagree agreegif  Yes yes yes

Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 20, 2014, 04:45:18 PM
4 years ago yesterday.  Thinking of you, Sweetie Girl.  CatPurr  HeadButt
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Amber on April 20, 2014, 06:47:47 PM
grouphug grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 21, 2014, 02:12:39 PM
 HeadButt  Sure wish "she" would tell you a little something...
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 21, 2014, 03:51:29 PM
Thanks, you guys.  Sometimes I feel a little silly bringing this up, since it's been so long.  Do the "anniversaries" ever get . . . easier?

HeadButt  Sure wish "she" would tell you a little something...

I'll be sending a "happy birthday" message next month.  We'll see if I get a reply.
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: DeeDee on April 21, 2014, 04:40:25 PM
Do the "anniversaries" ever get . . . easier?

Nope they don't. I still miss Cindy, Rebel, Fritzy, DJ, Jimmy, Bubba, Sharkly and Dannyboy. Cindy & Rebel were the dogs I grew up with and are some of my first memories. Daddy had Cindy longer than me, but we didn't lose them until I was twelve and then almost fourteen. "Those" days are always hard.

Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 21, 2014, 05:02:14 PM
 HeadButt  kissyou grouphug CatHug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 22, 2014, 01:28:42 PM
I don't know about easier... I think we just learn to live with the loss.  You have the unknown factor going on as well. 

After our Great Danes were stolen... I had to make myself think that someone wanted them bad enough, that they were being cared for and loved.  Once so many years went by, and I knew there was no way they could still be living... is when I "let go." 
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 19, 2015, 10:55:16 AM
Today is the 5 year anniversary of when I surrendered Pookie's sister, Bonnie, to the holistic vet.  It's gotten easier to deal with over time, and I hope she's doing as well as the vet said she was when I was at the clinic for Jessie's (mom's dog) foot surgery.

Your brother may be visiting you, Sweetie Girl.  If he does, be nice to him, ok?  Meanwhile, I hope you're doing well.   CatHug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: DeeDee on April 19, 2015, 01:26:33 PM
grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 25, 2015, 10:46:47 AM
I hope Bonnie is doing well also.   grouphug
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 20, 2017, 10:46:29 AM
A day late on this, but just thinking about Bonnie and hoping she's doing well.  I can't believe it's already been 7 years.  Technically, she's been with her "new" family as long as she was with me.

I don't know if I told you all or not (maybe it's posted elsewhere):  a couple of years ago, Mom's dog needed foot surgery.  The vet who examined him and did it was the same vet who has Bonnie.  She recognized me but couldn't remember why, and I reminded her.  She did tell me that Bonnie was doing fine, no medical problems, and she sleeps on the vet's mother's bed at night.  Hearing that last part especially lifted a weight off of me.  Of course it made me a little sad that she has a new "mommy" but at least it sounded like she'd found her place in the household, and had bonded with someone.

But she will always be my Sweetie Girl.   shadow1

P.S.  The dog's foot surgery went well, in case anyone was curious.   :)
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: DeeDee on April 20, 2017, 03:53:01 PM
So sorry you have to miss her, especially now that Pookie isn't there, but sometimes we do everything we can, and it just isn't enough. I'm sure it's a comfort to you that she's still meowing along letting you know you made the right decision to do the only thing you could figure out that was left. :-*
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Lola on April 20, 2017, 05:05:14 PM
I remember the vet/dog story.  As nice as it is to know she is doing well.... still hurts.  Bittersweet. 
It is so difficult NOT to miss the little boogers... for a very long time.  Just the mention of some of my furkids that are no longer with me... still brings tears to my eyes.  The ones that passed away peacefully and of old age... those I deal with MUCH better. 

 Hug1 Hug1 Hug1

PS  Lucky's birthday is on the calendar here.  It was recently.  Seeing her birthday... ripped my guts out.  BUT removing her from the calendar... seems sooooo not right.  It is like I would be completely wiping her off the face of the Earth.  If that makes any sense...

Furkids are just so darn special... all of them!! 
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Pookie on April 20, 2017, 09:57:28 PM
Thanks, ladies.   :-* :-* HeadButt HeadButt

Lola, I'm so sorry about Lucky.  I totally get not wanted to remove the birthday from the calendar.   grouphug

Furkids are just so darn special... all of them!! 

Yes they are.

I don't get too worked up about Bonnie anymore, not since the vet had given me that "update" a couple of years ago.  I might have missed the surrender date altogether except that it's 3 days after I lost Pookie (4/16/15 and Bonnie 4/19/10).  Yeah, April's not one of my favorite months in some ways.  So I was missing Pookie, and remembered the surrender date for Bonnie.  Sometimes I see her picture up at the top and say, "Hi, Sweetie Girl.  I hope you're doing well."
Title: Re: I miss her
Post by: Middle Child on April 21, 2017, 05:03:47 AM
 Hug1 Hug1