Author Topic: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...  (Read 4014 times)

Offline Lola

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When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« on: April 19, 2013, 02:25:07 PM »
I have never had a furkid not "bounce back," after another passed on untill...

As most of you know, Leonard was put down in July of last year.  Lola was his biggest fan.  Lola was the only one that said "good-bye."  At least that is what I assumed she was doing... she bumped noses with him and then walked away. 

She has changed so much.  She just isn't the same sweet happy go lucky cat.  She isn't as angry, as she first was, but she is... different. 

Leonards' death has ripped my guts out...no doubt.  But I wish I could "fix it" for Lola. 

Anyone else have a similar situation? 
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Offline DeeDee

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2013, 02:33:07 PM »
I'm sorry, I can't help you there. Dannyboy snapped back within a week of us getting Barkly for him. Then Barkly snapped back the same evening after we got Vlad for him.
"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." Edward Hoagland
"Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog; but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog."

Offline DeeDee

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2013, 02:40:15 PM »
I finally found the thing I was reading the other day (of course from a twitter link somewhere). This article suggested 2 herbal therapies, but I'd do a lot of digging before I used them:

http://cats.about.com/od/behaviortraining/a/cats-grief-over-loss.htm
"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." Edward Hoagland
"Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog; but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog."

Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2013, 02:42:55 PM »
I wasn't so much as looking for help... as just wondering about other people and their furkids. 
The Lola/Leonard situation just brought it to my attention that some furkids do (obviously) grieve. 
 
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Offline Pookie

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2013, 02:49:48 PM »
I wish I could help, but in my situation, Pookie and his sister had been separated for a year before I gave her up.  (She just did NOT get along with him after he came home from his string-eating incident.)  So he had time to get used to her not being in the common areas, though I think he knew something had changed after I gave her up.  No sounds coming from her room, etc.  Every now and then, when I would go in that room, I think he would look for her, but not so much anymore.  And it took a while, but he eventually got used to having Mommy's lap all to himself.   :)

I think he sometimes misses her, or having someone to play with, but he seems to have gotten used to being an "only child."

Do you think the Calming Collar would help Lola with her grief?  grouphug   HeadButt HeadButt
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Offline DeeDee

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2013, 03:13:43 PM »

The Lola/Leonard situation just brought it to my attention that some furkids do (obviously) grieve. 
 

Oh yes they DO grieve!!! Hubs even tells everyone that he never knew dogs would react that badly to losing a friend. Danny was at the point that I couldn't leave the house--he'd never been crated so we didn't have one at the time. Hubs was having to hold him to let me out of the house if we both needed to leave, or Danny would NOT let me out of the house--If you've never dealt with large dogs, you don't know how determined they can be when they throw their size into it.

He ruined 3 shirts of mine (never grabbed me, just the bottoms & sleeves), and after the time he tore up some pillows in the living room, I just didn't leave him again b/c by then I knew we'd go get his new friend soon.

He never did that again after we brought Barkly home (the day after he let me out of the house), but still took about a week to pull out of it completely to where he'd play with Barkly

Barkly dragged one of Danny's toys everywhere with him, and was just not-eating, not-playing, hang-dog depressed. He got over it really fast though--within an hour of our bringing Vlad home after we'd taken him to our vet for a check-up.

So all I can tell you is that I KNOW they grieve, and all have their own time-frames--I'd be a bit worried after this long though. Have you thought of taking her somewhere to find a new friend? Somewhere they'd let her sort of "test the cats out" to see her reaction? Considering Danny & Barkly, that might be the answer to getting her old personality back.

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." Edward Hoagland
"Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog; but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog."

Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2013, 03:22:34 PM »
Maybe having all the attention DID help Pookie... that and if they didn't get along... maybe he felt relief.  ??  Don't ya just wish they could talk... sometimes.  ;)

I have had cats whip up on the vet visiting cat, but they always calmed down fairly quickly.  Now, I "wipe down" the one that goes to the vet, with a used human damp towel... no problems. 

I am totally pulling this thought out of thin air.  I think Lola is just who she is going to be.  Her ENTIRE world changed... and she has changed with it. 
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Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2013, 03:30:06 PM »
I DEFINITELY agree furkids grieve.  Sorry if I didn't express that clearly. 

Quote
He got over it really fast though--within an hour of our bringing Vlad home after we'd taken him to our vet for a check-up.
  An hour?  I mean this in TOTAL kindness.. that is a bit funny. 

Sparky is a fairly big dog. 60 pounds and STRONG.   I TOTALLY get that weight thing.  lol  The biggest dogs we ever had were Great Danes.  AWESOME dogs.
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Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2013, 03:32:02 PM »
PS
We did get a new buddy.  His name is Jenkins.  He fell head over hills in love with Lilly... first day.   Bumpurr1  If he was a person, he would be arrested for stalking.  She is a VERY patient cat... but she has NO INTEREST in love.  He hasn't given up though.
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Offline DeeDee

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #9 on: April 19, 2013, 03:47:01 PM »
PS
We did get a new buddy.  His name is Jenkins. 

For some reason I thought Jenkins was as old as the others. :-\ Dunno why.

An hour?  I mean this in TOTAL kindness.. that is a bit funny. 

In Barkly's defense, I got really smart and had 3 tee-shirts in his bed--that had been rubbed ALL over Vlad--for a couple of weeks before we could bring Vlad home; so he got used to Vlad's smell a while before his coming here.

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." Edward Hoagland
"Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog; but you're never friendless ever, if you have a dog."

Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2013, 04:00:14 PM »
For some reason I thought Jenkins was as old as the others. :-\ Dunno why.

In Barkly's defense, I got really smart and had 3 tee-shirts in his bed--that had been rubbed ALL over Vlad--for a couple of weeks before we could bring Vlad home; so he got used to Vlad's smell a while before his coming here.



Well... we DO have a "slew" of furkids.  We can barely keep up!  lol  7 felines.  2 Dogs.  Ages 2 to 12.  No one is related.  Everyone, but two, joined the family at different times.  The two... were guests... that never left. 

VERY smart on the use of the shirts!! I'm sure I learned the towel thing from someone smart... that posted the idea on the Internet. 
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Offline Lola

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #11 on: April 19, 2013, 04:04:13 PM »
Jenkins is a younger version of Leonard.  No, I have NO REGRETS that I "replaced" him, with a cat that looks like him.  Jenkins is fairly opposite of Leonard's personality.  BUT... even when I do think of Leonard, when seeing Jenkins (at times)... it makes me smile.  Happy to remember good times with Leonard...when he was that young and so full of life. 
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Offline Pookie

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2013, 04:07:34 PM »
Maybe having all the attention DID help Pookie... that and if they didn't get along... maybe he felt relief.  ?? 

I think he was more confused at her reaction to him . . . I was trying to "re-introduce" them (read a ton of stuff on feline behavior that year) and would let him in the room where she was.  She'd go to another part of the room where she felt protected, but would not come near him and didn't want him near her.  They'd always gotten along before that vet visit (I did do the scent exchange thing but it didn't seem to help, then tried the Feliway diffuser), but after that, she would actually growl at him.   :o  I'd never heard her growl before.  One day they must have gotten into a huge fight, because they both horked up HUGE hairballs, to the point where neither of them could keep food down.  That's when I separated them with the hope of eventually getting them back together.

Anyway, I don't think he ever really understood why she wouldn't play with him anymore, or let him near her, poor guy (neither do I, for that matter).  But yeah, it probably did help that he had Mommy (and her lap) all to himself after she was gone.
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Offline Middle Child

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2013, 08:05:24 PM »
On March 15 2005 I had to have my precious Bbs put to sleep.  It was a horrible gut wrenching time, and I didn't stop to think, to let my Sweet Pea boy (now also an Angel) say good bye.  He was deeply bonded to both her and another cat who was still with us (now also an Angel), they raised him, together.

He was DEVASTATED. It was horrible.  It was so terrible I never got to grieve properly for Bbs, because he was so out of his mind in grief. Even though he still had our other girl, whom he was also very bonded to, I didn't think he was ever going to get over the loss of his Bbs.

He hid away all day, I had to drag him out of his hiding spot to give him his medications (phenobarbital, l-lysine) and sryinge feed. At first, he met me at the door every night when I came home, with hope in his eyes, but when he saw I didn't have her with me, he went back to his hiding spot. At the three week mark I got so worried about him I took him to the vet where he was given a B-12 shot and fluids. I took fluids home with me, in case he needed more, if I couldn't get him to eat enough.

That trip to the vet seemed to break the thrall a little, he stopped looking for her when I came home, and started eating better. But..he cried for her, for months.   At night he walked through the apartment calling for her. Just crying and crying.  Oh my gosh, it was terrible.

Bbs was a Burrower. She used to sleep under the blanket folded at the bottom of my bed (The Lump, I called it), and he slept on top of her, on top of the blanket. On top of The Lump.  One day a few months after she was gone I was making the bed and when I put the folded blanket down it puffed up in the middle. Oh it hurts even to write this. He saw the puffed up spot and with a cry of JOY he leapt up and put his paws on it, and of course it collapsed.  I burst into tears, and if he could have, he would have too.

Lola, even though he had his other girl to sleep with, and SK (who had come a month before Bb left us) to play with, he still grieved for his loss.  For a full year he grieved. Finally, one day in April of the following year I came home and found one of his Fur Mice on the stairs.  I cried with joy and relief, because I knew, if he was playing with his Fur Mice again, he was better. He did eventually go almost completely back to normal, he was a very cheerful cat, a real practical joker, too.  But he did lose a spark that never came back. He knew grief and loss, and it left it's mark.

He also developed an anxiety about losing the other cats.  Any time I left with another cat in the carrier, he was at the door waiting for us when I came home.  Many times I watched him wake from a nap and walk through the apartment checking to make sure all the other cats were still there.

When his second 'mother' left us in May of 2009 I feared so much he would go through it again, but it was a completely different situation. He grieved and missed her, but HE KNEW what happened to her.   She  weaned herself from him for several months before she left us. So, even though she was still with us, he had to get used to sleeping without her, before she finally left.  And I made sure he said his good byes, too.

That's the hardest part some times, of losing a pet, seeing another grieve.  I'm sorry Lola is still having such a hard time, but don't give up hope yet.  My boy really did take a full year, maybe a little longer, to cope.

Offline Pookie

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Re: When A Furkid's Buddy Passes Away...
« Reply #14 on: April 20, 2013, 08:15:35 AM »
I don't know that this information will help, but . . . http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/do-cats-grieve/

I have one of her books, and it pretty much says the same as what's on her site.  After re-reading it, though, I'm not sure she "gets" how cats can bond with each other the way Lola did with Leonard.   :(

Side note to anyone who may read her books:  please disregard what she writes about feline nutrition.  She hasn't learned yet that kibble is completely inappropriate for carnivores.
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